Friday, December 30, 2011

VERY important video to watch!!!!

Hey everyone,  Dr. J. has posted another video regarding the Mirena that is AMAZING.  It explains the connection between the Mirena and our autoimmune response.  Most of us all had awful symptoms that mimicked autoimmune diseases such as Multiple Sclerosis, Lupus, etc....and this video explains why that is.

One thing that I want to also highlight in this video is the acknowledgement of how LONG it takes for a woman's body--EVEN WITH SUPPLEMENTATION--to rebound from this kind of damage.  I know, ladies, it is so hard to deal with these symptoms...and I know how desperately you want it all to be over RIGHT NOW...but, unfortunately, that usually isn't the case with this type of damage.  Dr. J. does a good job here explaining that.  I just want to stress that because I see so many women out there who are so frustrated that they are taking so long to get better, or they start some supplements, take them for a couple of weeks, and if they don't feel better by then, they give up and stop taking them.  Ladies, that DOESN'T WORK.  Your body needs these supplements to draw upon to give your systems a chance to fight on its own behalf.  But, it isn't something that happens overnight.

I am at almost 16 months post removal, and I can honestly say that I am finally out of this nightmare, I have a "bobble" here and there that is very minor, and I haven't regained the vision that I lost, but other than that, I finally have my life back.  But notice, that is 16 months after the day I had the Mirena removed...and I have been taking supplements every day for the last 13 months.  Is it fun?  NO.  Is it cheap?  NO (although, it is much cheaper than the MRIs, tests, and constant Dr. visits, etc).  Is it frustrating?  YEP.  But you know what?  It is worth it.  Why?  Because today I can say that my nightmare is pretty much over, and unlike so many others out there, I am not taking a single prescription, heart medication, anxiety or depression medication....NOTHING.  My symptoms are gone, and it was because I chose to dig in my heels and be patient as I fed my body the needed (and natural) detox and cellular rebuilding supplements as my body used them to heal itself from the inside out.  Yes, I could have taken anxiety meds, and painkillers, and Lord knows what else in order for me to feel better immediately....but, I wouldn't have been better...I would have just been numb--covering up my symptoms while I just added more synthetic poisons to my already over-toxic system.  Had I gone that route, I would probably still be on those meds, and my body would still be completely overwhelmed.

Yes, the route that I took makes you have to deal with crashes as they hit (which, Praise God, are done for me now--knock on wood), and it made me have to find patience as my body SLOWLY returned to normal.   But I am so proud of myself for doing that....and for finally being on the other side of this nightmare completely medication free.  It was so worth it.  SO worth it.

Ladies, DO NOT GIVE UP.  Your bodies will heal.  I promise.  You just need to get the Mirena out, do the "turbo detox" (see previous post) to get your liver to get the toxins out, and then you need to take certain supplements for your body to use during this time that it has been depleted from its own natural reserves and while it figures out how to start working properly again.   For some women, they bounce back right away, but for many--like me--it takes a long time.  I know it is frustrating, and I know that you want your life back right now--I did too--but the day is coming.  Don't lose patience.

I will address all of this more in a future post, but for now, I wanted to get Dr. J.'s video out there for you to see.  Remember, if you can't find someone near you, you can call Dr. J. and speak with him.  He has shipped supplements to women all over the country (the world for that matter) since I have worked with him.  He has spent countless hours learning as much as he can about what the Mirena did to us, and he is more than willing to help you.  What he is finding, though, is that many women start with him, take the supplements for a week or so, and then they quit and wonder why they aren't any better.  That is why he made this try to explain what has happened, and why it takes a long time to recover (and why women are healing at different rates).

So here you go.  I hope that you learn as much as I did.  If you have any questions, please post it in the comments section below.  Dr. J. or I can respond to you.    Keep fighting for your health, and you will continue to heal.  Don't give up.  Your day is coming.  Promise.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Silicone CAN be removed! Here is PROOF!

Hey everyone, I wanted to get this entry out there because I keep hearing so many women posting a comment about how their doctor has informed them that, if they do have silicone poisoning, there is unfortunately no way that silicone can be removed from their body/blood because it is a permanent synthetic.  THAT IS NOT TRUE.

As you probably read in a previous blog post here, I was told the same thing by my doctor.  However, when I went to Dr. J., he told me that it wasn't true.  His comment was, "If they can get the poison in, we can get the poison out."

I have no idea why doctors are saying that.  Maybe because THEY don't' have a way to do it with the synthetic medications, etc....but there is a way to NATURALLY do it.  I did the detox from Standard Process that Dr. J. set up for me.  It was a three week "turbo detox", and it removed ALL the silicone from my blood.  For those who don't believe me, or for the doctors who say it isn't possible, I have documented medical proof.  So there.

Here is a copy of the silicon blood test that I had taken in October of 2010.  This was taken almost two months after I had the Mirena removed.  I'd hate to know how high the level was when that stupid thing was actually inside my body.

(Now, I know that you can't see the dates on these reports.  I had to crop it out because it was right by name, patient ID, personal information, etc., and I thought that it wouldn't be too smart to have that on the internet.  If anyone would like more proof to see that the dates are as I say they are, let me know.  I can just "white out" that personal information and re-take a pic that also shows the dates.).

There you go.....ELEVATED silicone.

Now, after my detox, three months later (in January), I made my doctor run the exact same blood test.  Here are the results:

Boom.....NONE DETECTED.  Not, "Hey, your silicone is now in the 'normal' range."  Nope.  It was COMPLETELY GONE.

Can't get silicone out of the blood, huh?  I beg to differ.....  And this was after just the first detox.  It was after this test that I finally heard my doctor say that I "had a compelling case".   Suddenly, I wasn't just a nut job/hypochondriac because a piece of paper from a laboratory told him exactly what I had been saying for months.....but I digress..... :-)

Don't believe them when they tell you that, ladies.  You can get it out.  It IS possible.

14 months post removal

Hey everyone. I still consistently get on the "Mirena Side Effects" forum, and I saw a woman's post that said that she was finally symptom free, but it took until she was three years post removal before she could say that. I wrote her the below email because, as I am sure as you all know, it is so hard to find anyone on the Internet who sticks around long enough to ever post that they are all better. I see some say that they get up to about 90% at a year post (I am not one of those, unfortunately...but I am much better. I would say that, if I stay on my supplements, etc., I am at about 80%), and I also see posts from women who still struggle four years later. I am obviously hoping that it won't take me that long to recover, but this women's symptoms were similar to my own, and I thought that she might be able to give me some insight on what to continue to expect. I decided to post my email here because I thought that it would give you my update as well as a chance to see if any of you see any similarities with your situation. Here it is:

Hello, ********, I go by the tag "ProudMomma" here on Curezone. I saw your most recent response that, finally at the 3-year mark, you are completely symptom free. I am currently at 14 month post removal, and although I am much better than a year ago, I still have some issues that I was I interested in seeing if you still had them at after one year post removal and if you can honestly say that they are completely gone now:

-- I notice that I still struggle more around my period (right before and right after...but actually feel pretty good during it) and right before ovulation. I get really foggy-headed, very lethargic, sometimes dizzy, and just an overall uneasy feeling. During this time, my breathing, vision, and joint inflammation also worsens. During this time, there is also an overall feeling like I'm not fully present in the room or in the conversation I'm having.  I have to concentrate really hard to just be clearly "there" because I'm in such a haze.  I know that sounds weird, but that is what it feels I'm half there.   As soon as my period starts or ovulation happens, it is like I snap back in to feeling good again.

--I also still have breathing issues that I can't seem to track down to a certain time. It is sporadic and random, but it is really bothersome. I constantly have to "huff" in a big gasp of air because I feel like I can get in enough air/oxygen when I breathe). This is not attached to any anxiety whatsoever. I just can't breathe very well on some days, and it bothers me that it doesn't seem to get any better.

--I still have days where I have zero matter what I do. Again, much worse around my period and ovulation.

--I lost a significant amount of vision in only my right eye (that was one symptom that made them concerned about a possible MS diagnosis at one point--the fact that I had quickly deteriorating vision in only one eye on top of losing the feeling in my hands). I never got officially tested because it seemed like so many of us did and got negative results. That vision has gotten to the point where I am legally blind in that eye. I'm wondering if,now that I am over a year post, if I should just give up on the thought that I will ever get that vision back. Did you ever have this symptom? If do, did it get better, and at what point?

--Lastly, I have days where my joints (and even my bones) feel like they hurt so much that I can't even get up my staircase without needing to sit down because my legs are just throbbing. This is even worse if it is on a "bad-breathing" day because, after walking up only 15 stairs, I am sitting down with my joints on fire and literally almost gasping for air.  Again, these are worse during ovulation and before and immediately after my period.

I just wanted to get your response because I see everything from some women feeling so much better after one year, and some still struggling four years later. Your past experience sounds very much like mine, and I'm having a day where I just really want to hang on to something....know what to expect....and what to accept.

Again, I am so much better than a year ago. The debilitating anxiety is gone, etc., and I am so thankful for that. Many other symptoms have also resolved. These are what I have left, but considering that two years have passed since my symptoms began (and it's been over a year since it was removed), I am still holding on to the possibility that these last issues may still resolve themselves.  And if be it.  I just want to know.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and hopefully respond to this. It means so much.

Well....there is the letter that I sent her.  I'll let you know what (and if) I hear back.

I'm not really sure why I still try to figure this out so much.  On my good days, I honestly don't think about it much--and I spend the day doing as much as I possibly can because I know that these days are fleeting and random.  Since I know that tomorrow could be a rough one, I spend my good ones being as productive as possible.  However, I am still nervous about the "what if" questions regarding a complete recovery.  I think it is is mainly because I am a high school teacher.  I am taking time off right now to be with my small children, but I will be returning in just a couple more years.  Currently, on my bad days, my brain still just doesn't work right.  It's so foggy and disoriented, and I find myself aimlessly walking around the grocery store because I forgot why I was there or where an item is located....and that makes no sense because it is a store that I am at every other day and I know like the back of my hand. It's frustrating as well because I know that I SHOULD know it, etc.   However, on those days, I find that I am more disoriented.  I have to try so much harder to make my brain clear, remember things, etc...  I'm assuming that it is tied to the hormonal damage since it seems to based on my cycle when it worsens.   It is mainly worrisome to me because that HAS to be a thing of the past when I return to teaching.  There is no way that I can pull off being a good teacher 98% of the time, but then I have to fake it through a few days each month because I can't follow the lesson plan properly or remember what I was saying.  If my vision never returns, fine....I can teach with one eye that doesn't work.  But, there is no way to fake it with a room of 30 eighteen year olds when your brain starts working in slow motion.  It is when I think about that possible future that I get nervous about whether or not I will get past that issue.  I am in a phase of my life now, as a stay-at-home mother, where I have the opportunity to adjust my day based on when I am more symptomatic.  I can choose to not attend that function or choose not to go the store that day.  I won't have that opportunity to "opt out" of certain days when I am a teacher.  I need to be on point each day, and it is concerning when I think about that unknown.  I am hoping that, when I step back into the classroom, this whole thing will be just a bad nightmare.  I need to hold on to that I continue to ask questions, try to find others, and continue to do everything I can to work on my own recovery.  As always, what I find, I will send out to all of you.  Keep those chins up.  We'll get there.


I received a response from the woman.  Here it is.  Yes, it seems like two years is a long time to wait, but I'm already at almost 15 months post removal.....  Also, it means so much to FINALLY hear from someone that--even though it took a long time---she is okay now. is her response:

Hi, How are you? So sorry that I have not gotten back to you sooner ,I so feel your pain.  At my 14th month post removal, I still had a lot of symptoms--all the ones you described and more, but I'm happy to say that I'm pretty much back to my old self.  It has been a long lonely horrible ride. If it wasnt for all you lovely ladies, I don't think I would have made it !!! All my symptoms were a lot worse before my period and around ovulation--especially around ovulation for some reason.  I will give u a list of all the symptoms I had:

pins and needles arms and legs
arms falling a sleep at night
eyesight was fuzzy and my eyes wouldnt adjust from light to dark properly
twitching muscles
panic attacks
breathing issues EXACTLY how you described it
weird patches of goosebumps
muscle weakness in arms and legs
balance issues

There the ones that I can think of off the top of my head.  I had all these symptoms right up until about 2 years post removal, and then things started settling down after that.  I know 2 years is a long time--I don't know why it's taken so long whereas some people recover quickly.  The only thing I really think helped me was diet and exercise (when I felt well enough to start exercising again).   I wasn't going to take anything after the Mirena.  I will never take my health for granted ever again, but I promise you that things will get better.  For some reason,  it just takes some of us a lot longer.   It sucks, but you will get there.  

Love to you, and I will be here if you want to talk. 


(Now....after I got her response, I wrote her this email....again, I will let you know what I hear back):

Dear ******,

Thank you so much for responding to me! It really means so much!

So, you can say that your vision returned back to normal as well after the two year mark? The main reason that I ask is because my right eye tanked so much (and they are both blurrier than before) that I've actually thought about seeing if I qualify for Lasix surgery. But....if I still have a chance for my vision to improve on its own, I don't want to waste the money on the surgery and then have my vision change again.

Yes, two years seems like a long time, but I'm almost at 15 months, and it just feels great to read that there is still hope that the rest of these symptoms may not be permanent.

You really have no idea how much you have given me by your response. Thank you, thank you, thank you.....

(Again....I'll let you know if/what I hear back)--Blessings!

Thursday, October 20, 2011

As update.

Hey everyone.  Thought it was about time for me to give a detailed update on how I am doing, where my symptoms are, etc.  I'll try to cover everything that I can think of, so bear with me.  :-)

What I will do is write down a list of what all of my symptoms were at the beginning of this whole thing (two years ago!), and then I will write a description following that explains where I am with that symptom now.  Please feel free to put any questions that you may have as a comment, and I'll be sure to respond.  As far as a timeline, I had the Mirena removed about 14 months ago.  However, my symptoms were starting to really affect my life about a year before that.  I had the Mirena in for 17 months before I made the connection and had it taken out.  I had the Mirena inserted in April 2009, and I had it removed September 2, 2010. 

Okay, here we go:

LOWER BACK/HIP PAIN--This was probably one of my very first symptoms that I got (probably 2-3 weeks after insertion) that just didn't make any sense.  I knew that I didn't do anything to injure my back, and suddenly, I was having multiple days where my lower back hurt so bad that I would just lie down and cry.  I went to the chiropractor and a massage therapist constantly, and it just wouldn't help.   UPDATE:  I still have some residual pain that seems to creep up randomly still, but it is nothing like it was.  I can say that the excruciating pain went away right after I had the Mirena removed.  Now, I have some lower back pain every once in awhile, and when it hits, I have a difficult time leaning forward without pain.  It comes and goes.  However, 95% of that back pain went away the moment I had the Mirena removed.

ANXIETY/PANIC ATTACKS--Anxiety was probably the issue that first really made me wonder, "What is going on?"  When it first started, it was minor...things like noticing that I was much more emotional during various times of the month, etc.  Soon, though, the anxiety got to the point where my heart would race, and I couldn't "talk myself down" from it.  I remember, before I got really bad. and long before I made the Mirena connection, talking to people I knew who suffered from anxiety to see if that is what it was.  Before I had the Mirena, I never had a single anxiety episode in my life...not even close to one.  By the time I was at my worst, the anxiety was, by far, my most debilitating issue.  I was having panic attacks that would hit me, not just during the day, but also in the middle of the night while I was sleeping.  There would be times when I would literally pace from my front door to my dining room table and back to my front door...over and over and over....for hours because my body would not let me be still.  I couldn't sit, or I just felt like my body was going to explode.  It felt like my blood was on fire or I had so much adrenaline pumping that I had to keep moving or something terrible was going to happen to my body.  This is a tough one to explain.  I remember trying to carve Halloween pumpkins with my family last year, and I had to leave the table because I simply couldn't do it.  Instead, I went up to my son's nursery, sat in the glider/rocker, and rocked back and forth for two hours bawling my head off because I couldn't even carve a stupid pumpkin with my husband and kids.  I can honestly say that, for whatever reason, my anxiety got worse right after my Mirena removal before it got better.  By what I'm hearing, it was because of the immediate yanking out of all of those hormones and my body was unable to make its own progesterone anymore.  I went from a TON to NONE, and I think I went into almost a kind of hormonal shock.  I'm sure it is part of the now famous "Mirena Crash" that we read about.  The attacks were random and spontaneous.  I remember sitting in a Boston Market restaurant with my two kids when one hit out of nowhere.  Nothing stressful was going on at all.  I was having a wonderful lunch with them, and suddenly my heart was racing, my vision was blurring, and I knew that I had to get out of there.  I grabbed the kids, put them in their car seats, and just sat in the front seat for 45 minutes until I knew that I could drive.  I remember telling my doctor that, out of all of the symptoms that was suffering from, if I had to choose just one for him to fix, the anxiety would be it.  I lived in constant fear of when the next one was going to hit, and when they did...they were AWFUL.   These were attacks that I wouldn't have wished on my worst enemies.  This was the time I completely disappeared to most who knew me.  Even my friends didn't really know where I was because I simply vanished for about 7-8 months.  It was because--at my rock bottom--I was pretty much unable to leave my house very much.  The thought of doing anything was simply too overwhelming.  I can't begin to explain how much that is NOT like me.  I love doing new things, meeting new people, loving life....but during those months, it simply became far beyond what I could handle.  When I did make trips out (because I forced myself), I can't even begin to explain how hard I had to pretend to be okay.  I remember being unable to do laundry some days because the thought of needing to walk up the stairs and separate the laundry seemed too overwhelming.  How sad is that?  Many times, I would have so much adrenaline pumping during the attacks that my body would just shake uncontrollably until I would finally vomit.  UPDATE:  Praise God, this symptom is now a thing of the past! The main difference was noticeable right after my very first three-week "turbo detox".  It included all of those supplements every day (see my post for that information), infrared sauna treatments about every other day (to sweat out as much of the toxins as I could while my liver was detoxing them out, and what I could call "liver zapping" where I had to lie on a table with this patch over my liver that would send currents/little shocks into it to help it with the toxin overload.  When I came back to my home three weeks after my detox, I walked into my front door and started crying because it was the first time that my head seemed I was really present there--in my home--in a very long time.  I stayed feeling great for four months before my next "crash" hit and I detoxed again. 

(As far as my crashes are concerned [the times when all of a sudden all of my symptoms returned and I was really sick again], I crashed 2 weeks after removal, 2months, 4-5 months and again at around 8 months.  I detoxed twice but have never gone without some level of supplemental support.  I currently take probably around 80 a day to support my systems.  I haven't crashed since, and I am now at 14 months.  Yes, it is a lot, and I am looking forward to the day when I won't have to take them all anymore, but I compare it to the fact that I am taking only whole foods based natural supplements--ZERO medications (because they are synthetic...which would just add more poisons/toxins to my system).  To me, it is important because one day, I will be able to walk away from this and not have to worry about being dependent on any sort of anxiety meds or heart medication that they tried to make me take.  I do think the fact that I have been placed on bio-identical progesterone has helped tremendously.  Until my body can figure out how to make its own progesterone, I still need to take it twice a day.  I am still holding out hope that my body will eventually get strong enough to fix that.  Every month gets better and better, and I just keep focusing on that.

ABDOMINAL PAIN--When it was at its worst, I did have an appointment with my OB/GYN where one of the nurses did an ultrasound on my abdomen and told me that I had pockets of blood in my abdomen.  UPDATE:  Thank goodness, this is another symptom that has been completely healed.  I'm guessing that they have since reabsorbed because I don't have that constant pain anymore.  The only time that I hurt is during ovulation--lots of pain during those couple of days--but I will explain all of that later in the post.

BLURRY VISION/VISION LOSS--UPDATE:  Unfortunately, this is a symptom that didn't get better.  Some days, my vision is blurrier than others, but my eyes are really struggling.  As far as my right eye, the vision tanked soon after I had my Mirena (I have it in my file what my vision was before, and by a year and a half later, I fit the "legally blind" category for that eye.  I wish I could tell you all that it has improved, but it hasn't.  I think I am going to just have to accept the blindness that occurred. 

HEARTBEAT ISSUES--Back when I had my Mirena, I got to the point where my heart rate was just jumping all over the place.  UPDATE:  Thankfully, that symptom has completely gone away!

BREATHING ISSUES--UPDATE:  This is, unfortunately, still something that I am dealing with.  Some days, I don't have a problem at all.  However, on some days, I have a really difficult time with my breathing.  The only way that I can describe it is that it feels like I just can't get in enough air/oxygen when I take a breath.  On those days, I have no choice but to constantly "huff" in big gasps of air to keep from getting dizzy.  I'm thinking about seeing my doc about possibly getting an X-ray of my chest...just to make sure that there is nothing that I need to address there.  I'll keep you updated.

TEETH CLENCHING--I know....weird.  I hit a period right before my Mirena was removed when I could involuntarily clench my teeth as hard as I could, and I wasn't doing it myself.  I would sometimes do it to the point of my jaw hurting, and yet I couldn't unclench them.  UPDATE:  Thankfully, that is another symptoms that is long gone. 

AWFUL MOOD SWINGS--This is one of those symptoms that you hate to ever admit that you dealt with but, like I promised, I won't lie or sugarcoat anything.  Back when I was at my worst, this was a very real issue that I was dealing with.  For those who know me, I am just about one of the most "let's enjoy life" kind of people who just doesn't get worked up about much.  However, at my worst, I would have these mood swings that would take me from feeling absolutely fine one moment to literally feeling like my blood was boiling and I wanted to scream....and absolutely nothing happened to get me to that point.  I've talked to a lot of women who feel a lot of guilt about that symptom because they got to the point of throwing things, etc.   I never got to that point, but I can honestly say that there were times where I felt like I could have on the inside.  When I would start feeling that, I would literally get up, remove myself from any other people, and either go on a walk or go into my son's nursery and rock back and forth in the glider until I could feel that feeling pass.  UPDATE:  Thankfully, this is a thing of the past!  I don't have any more of the huge "up and down" swings that I used to have.  Honestly, the only thing that I notice is that sometimes, at the end of my cycle, I do have moments (an hour here or there) where I can feel really "uneasy" and I know that there is no reason for me to.  It is minor enough, though, that nobody would ever know, and it passes quickly.   I have been told to take an extra progesterone pellet on that day because it is probably a progesterone issue.  I am happy to report that I am back to my happy-go-lucky self most of the time.  I'm not proud of that symptom, but I'm not hiding from it either.  I have to own it as part of my past journey....but I'm just glad that is over.

"PATCHY" GOOSEBUMPS--Yes, I know how random that sounds, but was part of my symptoms.  UPDATE:  Unfortunately, it is one that I still occasionally get.  I will, out of nowhere (I don't even have to get cold), get goosebumps.  But, they are not normal goosebumps that cover my whole body.  Sometimes, it will just be one leg that gets them...and sometimes it will be various spots on my body but in a weird pattern that doesn't cover the whole area.  I have no idea what that is all about, but I still do it.  They don't hurt or anything, but they sure do feel strange.

I also sometimes have an insensitivity to extreme temps.  I was just in San Diego for vacation, and we went to the polar bear exhibit.  It was obviously cold in that building, but we were only in there for maybe 10 minutes.  My hands got ICY cold.  When I got out of the exhibit, my hands started doing that "thawing out" thing where they actually felt like they were burning a little.  That burning feeling in my hands lasted for two days!

NUMB/WEAK HANDS AND ARMS--As I'm sure you remember from my earliest blogs, this was the symptom that really made me jump into action because I knew that something was horribly wrong.  Here I would be...everything just fine....and then all of a sudden, I couldn't feel anything from my elbows to the tips of my fingers.  They just went completely weak and so numb that it felt like my lower arms/hands simply didn't exist anymore.  I think this was about the time that husband really started to take serious notice that something was really wrong with me.  I remember him coming up to the office upstairs one day while I was working on grad school, and I was just crying at the computer.  He asked me what was wrong, and I remember just staring at my hands at the keyboard and saying, "I can't type anymore....I can't feel my hands....Why can't I feel my hands?"  It was so scary.  I couldn't pick up a glass take a drink....nothing.  At this point, this was when my doctor wanted me to start of the route of seeing a Neurologist and get tested for Multiple Sclerosis.  I was two weeks away from setting up my lumbar puncture/spinal tap when I found out about the silicone poisoning in my blood, and I left to do the detox.  UPDATE:  PRAISE GOD, this is symptom that went away as soon as I completed my first detox. 

INSOMNIA--At my worst, I would get about four or five hours of sleep every three days.  Nothing would help.  I remember crushing two Tylenol PMs into powder and drinking them down, and it still wouldn't help me.  This is obviously not a symptom that you can handle for very long.  I would be so exhausted, want nothing more than to sleep, but I simply couldn't.  It felt like my brain was going a thousand miles a second at all times, and it wouldn't let me sleep.  It got to the point where I would have my three days of no sleep, and then I would crash, my husband would have to take the day off of work while I was pretty much unconscious upstairs, and then I would wake up....only to start the cycle over again.  Going that long without any sleep surely doesn't help the feeling that you think you might be losing your mind, that's for sure.  UPDATE:  Again, I am thrilled to announce that this symptom went away after my first detox and it hasn't been a big problem since.  I have some nights where I wake up a lot with night sweats because of the hormone damage, but it isn't anything major. I can't even begin to explain how nice it is to say that symptom is a thing of the past.

EXTREME AND CONSTANT FATIGUE--At my worst, I spent most days in such a state of fatigue that I could hardly function.  The only time I would have any energy was when I was in the middle of a panic or adrenal attack, and then I would immediately return to this state of feeling like I just ran a marathon in cement shoes.  My body had nothing with which to function, and my mind was so sluggish that I was just this empty shell of a person who wished she could walk across the room.  UPDATE:  This symptom is soooooooo much better.  Like I explained in an earlier post, I have my "good days" and "bad days".  Depending on where I am on my cycle, I have days where I have fantastic energy and you would never know that I ever had a problem, but I still have days (usually around ovulation) where my body and mind just feel exhausted for no reason.  Everything seems more difficult to do on those days.  Luckily, though, they are sporadic and much less frequent.

JOINT/BONE PAIN--Don't ask me about this one.  Like I said before, I swear, this thing gave me Osteoporosis or something.  UPDATE:  Don't get me wrong, I have days where I feel fine, but wow....I have days where it feels like my joints are on fire and my bones hurt.  I can't even walk up my flight of stairs without having to sit for a bit on my bed because my legs hurt so much from doing it.  I also have a pretty consistent relationship with my chiropractor now because my lower back will start slowly getting more and more painful when I try to bend forward, he will work on me, and I will feel better for a period of time before I need to visit him again.

Okay....I think that addresses all of the issues from when this all started for me and discusses where each of those symptoms are now.  One thing that I will try to discuss in my current struggle with ovulation.  I am thankful that--even though it is a painful/difficult couple of days, at least I am ovulating.  I know way too many women who had this stupid thing throw them into early menopause.  I'm glad that my body is still ovulating each is just VERY hard.  It honestly feels like, during those two days, my body and hormones have to put so much focus on trying to ovulate that the rest of my systems have shut down a bit to make it happen.  It is the weirdest (and very frustrating) thing.  When my body enters that window of ovulation (which lasts 24-48 hours like for most women), EVERYTHING hurts...and everything is so much more difficult to do.  My abdomen hurts, my joints ache, I'm so tired I can hardly stay awake, and my mind is a jumbled mess.  My vision worsens, and I have such a horrible "brain fog" during those two days that it is sometimes difficult to have a coherent train of thought.  And quickly as it began, and as soon as my body ovulates...BAM.  It is like someone immediately turns back on all my light switches, it is like it never happened.  I have done this long enough now that I just know that, when it is time and I start struggling, I need to just dig in my heels, do the best I can, and remember that in just a couple of days, my body will snap right back out of it.  I am hoping that, now that I am doing the bio identical hormones to clean out the rest of the synthetic hormones, that this part of my body is not permanently damaged.  It is my hope that, as more time passes, my body will figure out how to makes its own progesterone again and be able to ovulate normally without everything else suffering in the process.  For goodness sakes, before all of this, I couldn't have even told you when I ovulated--it was that uneventful and symptom free.  I'll keep you updated on how that progresses.

Okay....I know that this was a really long post, but I promised that I would give an update.  I remember when I was so sick how much I would check in to the forums and see if anyone posted an update and how they were doing, how long it took, etc.  Overall, I would have to make a general statement that--out of everything that I suffered from, all I have left at this time is partial blindness, bone/joint pain, periodic issues of feeling that "brain fog", and a very difficult ovulation window ('s a bit funny to preface that with"all I have left is"...).  Yes, that stuff is unfortunate and very frustrating, but when I compare it to where I was a year ago....there isn't even a comparison.  I have my life back--yes, I still have some struggles here and there that shut me down a bit--but nothing that I can't handle.  I will continue to take the supplements and bio identical hormones until I no longer need them...continue to pray for further healing...but celebrate the HUGE strides that I have made so far.

I promise to keep doing it for you.  Hope it helps.  Please let me know if you have absolutely any questions.

Keep fighting ladies.  We are all still in this together.  We are just all at different parts of the race.  Hopefully, I am nearing the end of mine (and if I'm not, I will continue to be honest about it), but know that I'm staying there at the finish line until you can join me.  It can happen for you.  Don't forget that, and don't lose faith that will.  What a day of celebration that will be!

Big hugs coming at you.  Have a fantastic week.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

An important video from Dr. J.

Hey everybody.  Yes, I know that it has been over a month since I posted.  I'm really sorry about that.  I promise that I haven't forgotten about you all!  ;-)

I am planning on coming on here this week and typing a detailed update on exactly how I am doing.  I just need to knock out this final exam for this particular grad school course, and I will have a whopping ten day break until my next course starts.  For those of you with small children, you can imagine how difficult that is with a four and a two year old!  So....please keep checking in.  I'll be posting again in just a few days....PROMISE!

Until this, please watch this video that Dr. J. posted regarding his thoughts on the Mirena.  This is the doctor who gave me my life back, and--so far--he is the only doctor who I see really trying to help women like us who have suffered so much.  I am so appreciative that he made this video to try to explain his thoughts on some things.  I didn't even ask him to!  I truly believe that God is using him in a mighty way. 

Here is the video.  Enjoy.  Come back on here and discuss in the "comments" section.  Let's get a dialogue going!  (And yes...before you even ask after watching the video...My real name is Kristi...nice to meet you!  :-)

Hope this helps you!  Keep healing!

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Starting bio-identical hormones...

Hey everyone.  It's been awhile since I've updated where I am at...and my one year anniversary of having the Mirena removed is in a week--Sept. 2nd to be exact.

With the help of Dr. J.....and a WHOLE lot of patience, I can say that I am remarkably better than I was even six months ago.  I remember, all too well, that feeling of "I'm either going to lose my mind or die, and I just don't know which one is going to hit first."  Overall, I feel pretty good most of the time  (For those who need a reminder of what all of my symptoms were at the beginning, they are listed in one of my first posts).

 As of now, the only symptoms that remain are as follows:

--I never regained the vision that I lost in my right eye.  I actually went to see an Opthomologist a week ago, and I am considered "legally blind" in that eye now.  Thanks, Mirena.  However, she didn't see any physical damage to the eye, so she believes that it could be due to the hormonal damage...which gives me hope that maybe--one day--I can get that vision back again.  Yes, it has been a year since removal, but one can hope, right?

--I still have some bad days during two different times of each month:  one is right as my period is over, and the other time is during ovulation.  It is nothing like it once was, but I do find that my mood is definitely affected.  I just find myself feeling angry for no reason, and that "disconnected/detached" feeling returns. At its worst, I also get dizzy and my vision worsens even more. I hate that feeling like you've been drugged.  That's what it feels like to me--like someone slipped something in my drink.  Super annoying.  It used to scare me, but now it doesn't (only because I've been doing it for so long now that I know that it is coming and that it will go away eventually).  I am looking forward to that going away, though, because it is so hard to do anything on those days.  Everything just seems so much more difficult to do.

--I have sporadic days where my body aches SO MUCH.  My joints hurt...sheesh--it feels like my BONES hurt.  I literally have to sit on my bed upstairs for a minute after walking up the stairs because my legs hurt so much just from walking up ten stairs.  There doesn't seem to be much of a rhyme or reason to it.  Somes days I hurt a lot...some days, I only ache a little.  I swear, that stupid thing gave me Osteoporosis or something. 

Those are the only things that I notice now--at one year post.  Compared to where I was just four months ago, I am beyond grateful.  However, I have made the decision to begin taking bio-identical (oral) hormones to see if I can knock out these last symptoms.  According to Dr. J., our cells have hormone receptor sites on them, and ours could be still so "clogged" by the synthetic hormones, that we need to "flush them out" a bit with some natural hormones.  Since my body is still not figuring out the whole hormonal thing, I think that it is time to try this.  The detoxes put me to about 90%.  I think that, in order to me to get this all behind me, I need to try this to "kick start" and clean out my hormonal junk.  Dr. J. says that the goal here is that I will not have to stay on these long term.  The goal is simply to "clean out" my hormonal recepter sites so that my body's hormones have a greater chance of working themselves out.  Since I am at a full year post, I think it is time that I try.

The hormones that I am on are PROGON B (Oral) and PHYTO B (Oral).  Dr. J. says that oral is much better for us than the cream--I'll let him come on here and explain that...I can't.  The Progon B is natural progesterone, and the Phyto B is natural estrogen.  They are both from a company called

At first, I was bummed that I have come this far--only to take hormonal help close to what I hoped was the "finish line" of all of this, but Dr. J. explained that this is in no way "giving up".  I have healed so much, but apparently, there is just a certain amount of my hormones that were damaged beyond what the detox itself could repair.  These hormones will, God willing, move my systems back up to where they should be...and give them the strength to eventually work on their own.  Who knows, maybe I will even get some of my vision back. 

Yesterday was day one of the hormones for me. Tomorrow is my 35th birthday.  I'm determined that this is going to be my year.  I think about how much better I am today than I was on my 34th birthday (I remember that I almost didn't go out that evening because I was having back-to-back anxiety attacks that day that I couldn't pull myself out of), and I am so thankful.  I pray that this last step is what will put me back to completely healed. 

I promise to keep you all updated!  Huge hugs to you all. 

Keep fighting for your health!

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Posting Comments

Hey everyone, I got a message from a woman that informed me she was unable to post comments on this blog. I am so sorry! I had no idea!

I went in to my settings and changed some things around, so--hopefully--you can now.

Please comment! We can all learn from each other!

Dr. J. on detoxification

Here is a post from Dr. J. regarding detoxification. After your Mirena removal, this is the first thing that you should do. I've already done two detoxes. Trust is a lot of supplements, but it is sooooooooo worth it. Here is the post. Keep fighting for your health, ladies. We'll get there.

Basically detoxification is happening all of the time in your body. The process is 100% dependent on the proper nutrients for the biochemistry to work right. When we have an excess of toxins in our body and a deficiency in the nutrients to process them out, these toxins back up and are stored in our tissues and wreak havoc with our physiology. For example, xenohormones, which are environmental chemicals that mimic estrogen in the body((from plastics, makeup, pesticides, herbicides (which are on nonorganic food), pharmaceutical hormones, etc.)) are one of the things that can put you into estrogen dominance, symptoms of this are imbalances in menstruation, anxiety, anger, mood swings, agitation, depression, cravings, little red dots on your skin (cherry hemangiomas), facial hair growth(peach fuzz) and a ton of other symptoms. Just google estrogen dominance symptoms. This is but one example of excess toxins (in this case xenoestrogens) building up in the body. The toxic load has overwhelmed the detox mechanisms and lots of weird symptoms result. The main detox mechanism is called the Cytochrome P450 enzyme system, the main detox organ is the liver. There are two phases. Phase I is the oxidation,reduction, hydrolysis, hydration, dehalogenation step, this produces reactive oxygen intermediates referred to a primary metabolites, that are actually more toxic than the initial molecule. Phase II is the Sulfation, methylation, glucuronidation steps of the primary metabolite formed in Phase I. This makes them water soluble to then be excreted in the bile through the gut, and in the urine via the kidneys. You don’t need to know all of the biochemistry of this, all you need to know is that both of these steps are 100% dependent on nutrients, and without the nutrients it will not work, and a toxic load builds up in your system causing all kinds of weird seemingly unrelated symptoms. The detox products we use are from Standard Process (a whole food nutrition company), Cruciferous Complete, SP Cleanse, Folic acid B12, B6 niacinimide, Gastrofiber, and SP Complete. You can read about them on
It is a very complex system, but at the same time quite simple. How many times one needs to do a detox depends on how much toxic load there is. I compare symptoms of before and after, and just use common sense.

You can email me with questions

Hope this helps

Dr J

Dr. J on Rheumatoid Arthritis Symptoms

Dr. J. will occasionally post on CureZone to answer questions and post helpful information. I was so excited when he said yes when I asked him to. This post is an answer that he gave to a woman who is convinced that her Rheumatoid Arthritis diagnosis is the result of her Mirena. The symptoms began immediately after insertion. It wouldn't surprise me...I still deal with chronic lower back issues ever since insertion, and I have some days throughout the month where my joints and bones hurt so much that I have to sit down after walking up my stairs because my legs hurt so bad. I had NONE of these issues until after the Mirena was inserted. The horrible lower back pain was one of my very first symptoms. is his response. I hope it helps you out!
RA, Rheumatoid Arthritis is an autoimmune disease. All autoimmune diseases are from what is called unmethylated DNA
Whatever damage the mirena did to your system it affected the cell membranes and nuclear membranes of your cells(the membrane holds the stuff inside the cell, then the nuclear membrane holds the nucleus of the cell and its contents, DNA) When the DNA leaks out of the cells your body attacks it because it is not supposed to be there. This is your immune system turning on you. What has to be done is to get your liver to methylate the DNA and detox it out of your system, and this is done in Phase I and II stages of detox and is accomplished with cruciferous vegetables concentrated in a pill. Also needed is the build up of your cellular membranes and this is done with oils, Tuna oil, cod liver oil, Black currant seed oil, wheat germ oil, evening primrose oil. I am attaching a list of what is good to eat to help your liver detox. If you have questions about what nutrition to take, just email me
Hope this helps

Dr. J.


(No Limit on Serving Size)
3% or less carbs
Bamboo Shoots
Bean Sprouts
Beet Greens
Bok Choy Greens Broccoli
Cabbages Cauliflower Celerv
Collard Greens Cucumber
Mustard Greens Parsley
Raw Cob Com
Salad Greens Sauerkraut
String Beans Summer Squashes Turnip Greens Watercress
Yellow Squash Zucchini Squash

Plain Gelatin only
Beef Tea
Bouillon - Beef, Chicken Herbal (Decaffeinated) Teas Filtered or Spring Water
Red Wine only (3 glasses max)

6% or less carbs
Bell Peppers
Bok Choy Stems
Green Beans
Green Onions
Okra Olives
Sweet Potatoes
Water Chestnuts

12 - 21%carbs
On Limited Basis
(Onlv 2 -3 X/ wk)
Cooked Com
Grains, Sprouted
Jerus. Artichokes
Kidnev Beans
Lima Beans
Seeds, Sprouted
Sunflower Seeds

In LimitedAmounts
Cottage Cheese
Dressing - Oil / Cider Vinegar only Jerky
Kefir (liquid yogurt)
Nuts, (except Peanuts)
Oils - Vegetable, Olive (no Canola) preferably cold-pressed

7- 9% carbs
Acorn Squash Artichokes
Brussel Sprouts Butternut

In Limited Quantity
On Limited Basis
(Snacks only)
Prunes, Fresh

More help from Dr. J.

Here is another post written up by Dr. J. regarding hormonal health. I hope it gives you health and hope.
HPA axis/Hormones
To start balancing out hormones we first have to look at the Hypothalamus/Pituitary/Adrenal axis (HPA). This is the master controller in the brain conrolling the symphony of hormones in the body. People with the HPA not functioning properly are disconnected, detached, walled off, feel like they are in a cave (bad memory, foggy thinking, fear/anxiety, feel crazy). When the HPA is working optimally you feel connected to the world, present, and full of life. This is the starting point with hormones and we do this with whole food products from Standard Process (Whole food nutrition company). The products are Hypothalmex, Hypothalamus PMG, Symplex F, Black Currant Seed Oil, and Tuna Omega 3 oil. The oils are the source of essential fats (essential means your body can not make them, they have to be ingested) so your body has the raw materials to make proper hormone. The body can not make it out of nowhere, if you do not ingest it, it can’t make it. The other products are to help the HPA to come back online and reboot so it can properly reconnect and coordinate the symphony of hormones. The HPA literally is the mind/body connection, from immune, nerve, and endocrine cells all talking with each other through cytokines, hormones, & neurotransmitters creating the biochemical background for spiritual, emotional, mental and physical states of being. Everything starts here, if it is not working right, nothing else does either.

Email me with your questions at

Hope this helps

Doc J

A message from Dr. J.

I have been so blessed to have finally found a doctor who not only believed me about all of this...but he is truly on a mission to get me healthy again. He has agreed to anonymously post help on here periodically, and I hope that it also helps all of you. He has a contact email at the end of his message here. He is will to help any of you as much as he can. If you have questions, you can email him directly, or please consider posting your question as a comment on here so that everyone who reads it can also learn and follow along.

With that being said, here is the first post from "Dr. J.":
This is Dr J, I was first introduced to the Mirena in Novemver 2010 when proudmomma came to my office. She had an incredible list of symptoms she presented with of which you can read on her blog MyLifeAfterMirena. Basically she was at her wits end and grasping for some answers and solutions to her nightmare. One of her biggest problems was that no doctors believed her, her tests came back normal, except silicone, which she had to demand to be tested for, and that there was nothing that medicine could do for her except give her crazy pills. Knowing the laws of physiology, health and disease have some basic premises. Health is a balance of nutrition to toxicity. More toxicity in the body without the nutrition to process it =symptoms and disease. Decreasing the toxic load and increasing the required nutrition =resistance and health. For whatever reason the Mirena malfunctioned in ProudMomma dumping its load of synthetic Progestins and other toxins into her system. This caused a toxic overload and a complete overwhelming of her bodies ability to process the poisons. Thus her body manifested dozens of new symptoms as a result of not handling the poison.
Our bodies are 100% dependent on nutrients to function, all hormones, detoxification pathways, neurotransmitters, enzymes, etc ALL depend on nutrients. So to get her body back to functioning better, we had to nourish it. We started with a Detoxification program to allow her body to start eliminating the toxins from her body. The liver needs Cruciferous vegetables and lots of other nutrients for Phase I and Phase II detox. Then focused on balancing her hormones from a natural standpoint. In the brain is the Hypothalamus and Pituitary. They pretty much run the show. We gave her nutrition to support these to return to normalcy. The products were what is on her blog, Hypothalamex, Hypothalamus PMG, Symplex F, Tuna omega oil, Black Currant Seed Oil,. These nutrients help to bring the HPA axis back on line(HPA is Hypothalamus, Pituitary, Adrenal axis). All hormones are controlled by the HPA axis and when it is not working right you feel disconnected and detached from life, in a fog. Then we started to support individual glands, (Adrenals which are energy, blood sugar, inflammation)(Thyroid which is tissue growth and maintenance and heat production, Two thyroid hormones are T4 and T3, T4 is tissue repair and growth and is depenent on iodine, T3 is for temperature and heat and requires selenium to be converted from T4 to T3, of which 75% happens in the liver which was overwhelmed by the poisons.(Which means you have no energy) Then was ovary and uterus support, then we went on to mineral replacement. Our minerals (calcium, magnesium, potassium) etc are our buffering mechanisms to acids put in the body, symptoms of mineral depletion are anxiety, inflammation(you hurt) and intensity(emotional and mad and don't know why) Also needed is to go to a low carb diet void of all starches, bread, rice, pasta, beans, potatoes, pasta. Eating these foods causes more hormone imbalances in the body of which is estrogen dominance, and since the Mirena reduced all of the natural Progesterones in the body you are in a state of estrogen dominance and eating starchy foods just contributes to it more.
Basically the women suffering from the Mirena side effects have been poisoned. We have to get the poison out, support the detoxification pathways, support normal hormone function in the brain and each organ or gland that produces them. Replenish mineral stores, build up nutritional reserves, which reduces inflammation in the body. Eat a low starch/low carb diet to help balance hormones, and eventually if needed to give bioidentical sublingual hormones from a company called Bezweken, never ever get on medical hormones if possible. Also only use nutrients from the company Standard Process. Most other companies are synthetic nutrition which is toxic to your system and induces more disease.
I am here to help you.
I believe you.
You are not alone.
You can contact me by email
Then we can talk by phone.
I hope this has all helped some.


Wednesday, June 22, 2011

I'm still here....trying to figure all of this out....

Hi everyone.  I'm sorry that I dropped off there for awhile.  It's been busy, I'm trying to pull of graduate school right during these years home with my kids before I return to work...and I'm still trying to figure out all of this Mirena stuff....

(Before I get stared with the entry, I noticed that I have several emails from some women.  I'm so sorry that, with my traveling, etc., that I haven't responded.  I will this week.  I PROMISE.)

As you know, I had another crash a month or so ago.  So, I went back to see Dr. J., and I started another protocol from Standard Process.  This time, I wasn't needing detox help like with the first time.  My symptoms that are still an issue now are most definitely hormonal.  My areas that were "off" at this second trip to Dr. J's were as follows:

--Gall Bladder
--Ovaries (right one, primarily)
--Hydrocloric acid in my stomach

Out of all of those, he said that my top three problems were #1. OVARIES,  #2., THYROID, and #3., HYPOTHALAMUS.

So....I started a whole new supplemental protocol that I will detail in another blog entry.  I do notice that I definitely feel better when I take them verses when I don't.  I should hope so....I have to take a TON of supplements right now.

Here are some of the things that I'm trying to process/am thinking about right now.  I'm sure it will come across as rambling because that is pretty much what it is going to be:

First and foremost, I'm still trying to figure out what I can do to regulate my hormones.  I'm so happy that I was able to deal with the physical toxicity issue, etc., but there are still random days that I feel like I'm struggling so hard just to maintain a "normal" emotional pattern....and I can't seem to find much of a rhyme or reason to it.  I definitely seem to struggle the most right after my period is wrapping up until I ovulate.  Then, I tend to feel much better from ovulation until I'm done with my period again.  I've been documenting each day that feels off to me, and I'll be anxious to see--after a few months--if I can notice any sort of pattern.  My guess is, after doing a lot of reading on it, my body is still either not making any progesterone or is still extremely deficient.  This was one paragraph that I found on low progesterone, and I will highlight the issues that I deal still deal with:

"Low progesterone levels manifest in a series of highly uncomfortable symptoms such as: insomnia, dizziness, irritability, difficulty concentrating, intense mood swings, bloating, weight gain, muscle pain, joint pain and urinary incontinence. Other signs of low progesterone include frequent urinary tract infections, interstitial cystitis, changes in appetite, hot flashes, cold chills, night sweats and vaginal dryness."

Take this week for instance.  I had a couple of days where I felt a little "off", one day where I was anxious enough where I had to take a half of a Xanax to be able to get my mind to slow down enough to have any sort of concentrated train of thought...and then yesterday, I felt fantastic....full of energy and in a great mood.  Now today, my joints hurt, my vision (which has been bad since the Mirena) is even more distorted than usual, and my emotions are all over the place.  I don't have any patience, and I teared up watching the cartoon movie Horton Hears a Who, for goodness sakes.  My mind is all foggy, and it's hard to really have a clear train of thought. 

It is soooooooooooo frustrating.  What is different today than yesterday?  NOTHING....I did NOTHING differently.  UGH UGH UGH.....

I hate living in this kind of "limbo" that the Mirena seems to throw us in.  I'm actually at the point where I am very good at hiding the days that I am struggling as far as anyone noticing, but boy do I notice on the inside.  It's frustrating to be at a point in life where I feel like I just have to accept that I will feel good for about two weeks  out of each month, and I may struggle the rest of the time. 

That being said, I'm not anywhere near where I was before I did my first detox.  I don't have any of those major anxiety attacks anymore (thank you, Jesus!), although, I do still have some issues of lower levels of anxiety/uneasiness on my bad days.  Sometimes, I crack a Xanax in half just so that I can pull myself out of it because I don't have time to be like that all day.  I don't like being in a phase of my life where I wake up, and I'm not sure if it is going to be a weak or a strong day...and I haven't even gotten out of bed yet.  I try to continue to rejoice in the fact that atleast I have strong/good days now.  I couldn't have said that six months ago.  I'm definitely heading in the right direction.  It's just that I am now almost 10 months post removal.  I want to know that someday it will be ALL over.  No more Mirena effects/damage to deal with.  I just don't know.  I read posts from women who were back to their normal selves after a year....but then I read posts from women who have had it out for a couple of years, and they still have all sorts of effects still lingering.  I can't even begin to explain how much I pray that, one day, I can make the post that I'm back to 100%...or atleast close enough that I don't notice anything.

The brain fog and inability to truly concentrate on my off days is maddening.  It makes me so frustrated, I can't even tell you.  I sit there and KNOW that I should be able to think, process, etc....and I can' t get my mind to do it.  It's like my brain starts getting "bogged down" or something.  Usually, at that same time, my vision is even more blurry than usual.  Now, imagine days of that happening and trying to pull off graduate school.  Yeah.  Not so easy.  :-(

Here's where I'm at right now.  I'm still taking the supplements.  I probably will be for awhile because I do so much better when I take them.  I also just set up an appointment with my GP to talk about taking a blood test to check my progesterone levels.  I'd love to hear what some of you who have gone through the homonal testing have to say.  I've heard some day that the blood testing isn't that accurate, and you should do a saliva test.  Hmmmmm....I honestly don't know. 

I also notice that on my "bad" days, my joints/muscles hurt more than usual.  Anyway, just throwing that out there.....things like noticing that when I walk up the staircase, my legs hurt for a couple of minutes afterward.  Annoying.

Here's something else....and maybe it is just because I am approaching my 35th birthday, and it is just "my time", but have any of you felt like you were aging SO MUCH FASTER than before all of this?  I don't mean just how you feel--I mean literally looking at yourself in the mirror and noticing how fast your face, etc. has aged over this past year?  I look at pictures of myself or look at myself in the mirror, and OH MY GOODNESS...the increase in facial wrinkles alone that have increased just in the past year is nuts.  Again, maybe it is just my point in time where I am going to start aging, but it seems to have really gone in fast forward over these past months.  The only reason I bring that up is because I've also read a lot that estrogen dominance/hormonal imbalace, etc. has a main symptom of accelerated aging.  That is me FOR SURE.  Suddenly, I catch myself looking at Botox ads a bit more carefully....ha ha.....  (See?  Still trying to keep my sense of humor through all of this....some days are just better than others). that is where I am in a nutshell right now.  Must better than six months ago, but still have randomly occuring days where I still feel like things "short circuit" a bit.  I'm not going to lie, it makes me nervous about the day that I return to work.  I have only a couple of years left before my youngest is in school, and I will return to my career....and I can honestly admit that I am nervous about it.  On my good days--NO PROBLEM...but on my "bad" ones?  Forget it.  I can hardly form a train of thought correctly.  How in the world will I be able to teach that day when I can't think?  I am just so thankful that, since this had to happen to me, that it happened during this time at home.  I also just pray and pray that it is all resolved and healed by the time I return to my career. 

I'm following along some women who are taking bio-identical hormones, and they are swearing by the results.  They are talking about how much better they feel, and so I 'm definitely following along with them to see how it works out for them.  I am just not at the point yet where I feel confident enough to do it myself.  Dr. J. told me that any sort of hormone replacement therapy, even if it is all natural, still makes your body dependent of them and stop even trying to make its own.  That makes me nervous because that is exactly what has happened with my progesterone because of the Mirena.  So, that makes me understandably uncomfortable about taking anything else that will make my body "give up" on trying to fix itself hormonally, you know?  I'm not going to lie, though, if years pass and I don't get past any of these obvious hormonal symptoms, I may consider it....and that is why I'm watching to see how these ladies continue to do with it.  It just also makes me nervous because I have read/heard way too many accounts where the woman is forced to take them for the rest of her life because she will crash even harder if she stops taking them.  No thank you.  I've had enough crashes, thankyouverymuch.

Again, I'm not saying not to do it.  Heck, I'm not even saying that I may not end up having to do it.  I honestly have no idea.  I'm just "talking" to you as (as promised) about exactly where I am at right now and how I feel about it.

I'd also love to hear from anyone who has tried acupuncture after their Mirena experience.  Did it work for you?  Worth it? 

I'd love to have anyone post comments about any of this.  Let's get a dialogue going.

I'm still praying for all of us.  Keep fighting, ladies.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

First step in fighting back....

Okay, ladies....

Here is the first step to fight back.  By what I am hearing, we can't do much until the FDA atleast admits that something could be wrong with the Mirena.  So, we have to get as many of our complaints directly to them as possible.

Here is the form to submit a complaint online:

Now, you have to have all of your information....doctors appointments, dates....all of it.  So, if you don't have all of that, call your doctors and get it.  You will need it anyway if there is ever a lawsuit.  I know that it is a lot of work, but it will be worth it.  I have to contact three different doctors myself because I've had to see so many different people for help.    Let's go straight to the "big guns" first.  We are also working on a form of questions to fill out to give to lawyers.  I'll get that on here as soon as I have it all done.  Keep checking in, ladies.  It's time to set things right.

Big hugs to you all.  Keep fighting.  You're doing great.

Crashed again. :-(

Well...I'd love to tell you that my nightmare is completely over, but I'd be lying...and I promised that I would never do that. 

A couple of days ago, I hit my 8 month post removal date, and that same week, I crashed again.  I didn't have an anxiety attack, but most of the other symptoms hit me full force:  trouble breathing, dizziness/vertigo (to the point where I couldn't even walk across the room without holding on to something--I felt like I had been drugged), completely distorted vision, tingling and itching in my hands and feet, massive headache, and a brain fog that made me unable to hardly have a coherent thought. 


I'm glad that I'm detoxing again (I'm on day 8 now) because I obviously still have toxins attacking me.

I hate you, Mirena.  But let me tell you something, if you think I'm not going to fight back, you are crazy.  I'm not stopping until I have done everything I can to get this product off of the market before my daughter's generation grow up to have this torture injected into their bodies.  Stay tuned....we are getting a large group together.  Post a comment or contact me via email ( if you are interesting in joining in the fight.

We can stop this.  Maybe not for us...but we can save others.    I know that we are sick, and tired, and beat down....but we need to use everything we have to try to get this out of the reach of doctors and out of the bodies of innocent women.  Think about how awful we feel right long we have suffered....YEARS.  WE can save other women from experiencing this hell.  Join with us.  They aren't interested in doing the right thing, but we can be.

Let's do this.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Here we go again...

Well...It looks like I'm doing the detox again.

I promised that I wouldn't hide or sugarcoat anything, so I'll just let you know where I'm at.

Okay...let me start by saying that I am still soooooooooo much better than I was before I detoxed the first time.  To this day, I have not had a single anxiety attack, etc.  If I had to continue this way for the remainder of my life, I could.  However, over this past month, I've noticed that I seem to have more days around my cycle where I have to work much harder to keep my mood even, and that stupid brain fog comes back.  I ignored it because I figured, "Oh well, it's not any of the bad physical symptoms that I had, so no big deal."  However, I will admit, I did have a bit of that "Uh oh, what's happening?" feeling going on in the back of my head.  A couple of days ago, I was getting those weird patchy goosebumps again, I started getting that "buzzing" sensation in my left arm and my face, and then--when I was typing at the computer, I felt that my hands were going weak and I was struggling to type.  That was it.  I wasn't going to even mess around with letting any time pass.  I immediately called Dr. J.  Of course, I was bawling because I was so afraid that it meant that all of the other symptoms--including those debilitating anxiety and adrenal attacks--were just around the corner.  I can't even begin to tell you how many times I said, "You don't understand....I CAN'T go back there...."

Dr. J. just reminded me calmly that he had told me (and this is true; I remember it) that there was a good chance that I was going to have to detox again.  My entire body was so poisoned, that the chance of all of it getting pulled out after one detox was slim.  However, I felt so great after it was over...and continued to feel so great for four months...that in my head, it was over.  I had completely beat it.  Well, this was my gentle reminder that I'm not quite out of the woods yet.  Again, remember....I AM STILL SOOOOO MUCH BETTER.  THE DETOX WORKS TREMENDOUSLY.  IT JUST ALL DEPENDS ON HOW MUCH POISON YOU HAVE IN YOU REGARDING IF YOU HAVE TO DO IT MORE THAN ONCE.

I'm not going to lie.  It really upset me, and I needed a whole day to cry and be mad that I was even having to address this whole thing again, but after I slept on it, I awoke the next morning, dusted myself off, and owned this as part of my reality.  It is what it is....I can't do anything about it.  I have to detox until it's gone.

The way that Dr. J. explained it was like this:  It's not like the poison starts to build back up or anything.  Know that, THE POISON, AFTER A DETOX, THE POISONS CAN NOT "COME BACK" OR "BUILD BACK UP", ETC. (that was a question of mine because I was caught off-guard that a symptom that had been gone for four months came back).  It is a situation of....hmmmmm, I'm realizing that this is difficult to explain without you seeing my bear with me....

Imagine a seesaw--with the poisons/toxins in your body/blood on one side and your body's immunity/strength to fight it on the other side.  When you are first sick, obviously, the toxins are much higher than your immunity to fight it, and therefore, your body starts to get sick as the toxins attack your various systems.  Now, when you detox, a huge amount of toxins leave your body and your immunities are at an all time the seesaw has shifted:  your immunity/strength is much higher than the toxins (which are now at a much lower level, but could still have some in there), and so you feel great.  I felt great for four months--I mean GREAT--no symptoms except the vision loss that I never regained.  Other than that, I felt perfect.  Well, apparently for me, at this time, my seesaw has now shifted past the equal level and back to where the toxins are stronger than my body's strength to fight them.  Like I said, the toxins are still at a much lower level--none of the poisons that were pulled out in detox number one came back.  But, since I am not actively detoxing anymore, it was a matter of time (for me anyway) that my immunity level against the poison was going to slowly lower back down...and eventually get to the point where that side of my seesaw was lower than the poison/toxin side.  Because of that, my body is starting to react again. 

Does that make sense?  I sure hope so.  If not--comment about it, and I'll try to reword it better.

Like I said, at first, I was so upset that I had to accept the fact that this isn't completely over for me.  I really thought that it was because I felt so great.  But Dr. J. reminded me that this doesn't necessarly have to be a scary thing.  My toxins are lower...even if I didn't detox again, I may never have gotten back to as bad as I was (I don't know that...but I'm not willing to find out).  But, there is obviously still some in there that are making some of the more minor symptoms return, and that is enough for me to want to get them out.  I can't live my life wondering if the bad symptoms are just around the corner.  I won't.  Also, this is a huge cancer-causing synthetic.  If there is ANY still in my body--and obviously there is--I have to get it ALL out and FAST.  I have to give myself every opportunity that this poison doesn't affect me long term as much as possible.  So....I've just come to the conclusion that this is my ONLY option.  There is nothing else to do.  I KNOW that the detox works, I'm walking proof.  I just have to get the rest of it out....and for me, that means that I have to do it again.

Now...I'm sure that one of the questions that you are wondering is, "How many times do we have to do this?"  Honestly, there is no answer for that.  For some women, one detox would be enough to take it all.  For others, they may have to do it a few times.  It all depends on how much poison is in her particular body, how strong her immunity is, etc.  Unfortunately, there is no formula to plug in your numbers and get the number of detoxes required to pull out 100% of the poison.

So...I will be going into detox number two hoping that this is it for me--that, God willing, this is the detox that is going to take it ALL...and this nightmare can finally be completely OVER.  But, I also am going into this with my eyes open...with an understanding and acceptance that detox number one gave me four months.  Maybe detox number two--if it doesn't get it all--will give me eight months...or a year...  But, I need to carefully evaluate how I feel as time goes on, and follow my gut.  You will know.  I knew.  I didn't want to admit it, but I knew weeks ago that something was "off"...something didn't feel right.  And now, I just accept the fact that, if time passes and that happens again, I detox again.  Period.  Each time, more toxins are pulled and inevitably, eventually, they will be completely gone.  I'm hoping that, for me, this is the one that is going to do it.

Please pray for me--that this is the detox to pull out the last of it--as I will continue to pray for all of you.  I will keep you updated on what I find out and how I am doing.  See?  I'm still obviously fighting this with you....and I'm not going anywhere.

I embraced life with both hands after I got better after my first detox.  And, as much as I had to go through a tough day of "reacting" to knowing that I had to do this again, and that it wasn't over yet, I am even more determined to life each day to the fullest.  Right now, I could be upset and dwelling on how many good days I have left before I start to feel sick again....or I can choose to live those days of feeling great to the fullest--and worrying about a bad day when (and if) they ever come.  Don't let this thing beat you, ladies.  I'm determined not to let this beat me down.  We atleast now have a detox that we know works (remember, I have proof in my medical file that the silicone is gone, etc., and I've felt like a million bucks for months...never had a single anxiety attack..nothing...).  It just takes time...but we know that detox works--atleast we all have that now.  That's more than we did have.

Okay, isn't over for me quite yet.  So I FIGHT....and I'm already celebrating the days ahead that I know are symptom free and full of health and energy.  I know that they are coming again.  THAT is what I choose to focus on.

But for now, I continue fighting.  We can do this.

All of my love to you ladies.  Stay strong and stay positive.  Trust me when I say that I know that, some days, that is easier said that done and we break a bit.  But, get back up, ball up those fists, and keep going.  Each day of fighting is one day closer to beating this...and we WILL.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Some updates....

I figured that it was time for some updates for everyone who reads this blog.....

Let's see.....

I am now almost 7 months post Mirena removal.  The detox truly gave me my life back.  I would say that 98% of the time, I feel myself again.  The only things that I still notice are as follows:

1.  I never regained the vision that I lost in my right eye, and

2.  I have a couple of "sketchy" days around my cycle (usually at ovulation time).  It only lasts 24-48 hours...and it is NOTHING like how I was before the detox (no anxiety attacks or anything), but I do notice an overall feeling of uneasiness all day and I know that I have to work harder to keep my mood even (my patience level is very low, I'm very tired, etc.).  It is crazy though, it lasts no more than 48 hours, and then it is like someone flips a switch and I feel great again.  I have just gotten used to the fact that those days are going to come once each month.  Apparently, though, Dr. J thinks that there is something that I can add to my supplements to even take that away.  I just spoke with him on the phone this week, and he is sending me a couple of supplements that will help my body increase its progesterone levels, and that should help me through my ovulation time as well.  I'll let you know how it works and what they are called when they get here.  He just reminded me that, even though the silicone is out of my system, I obviously still have some of the synthetic hormones in there, and that is making it difficult for my own body's hormones to regulate themselves during ovulation time when they have to work harder.  That is the next bit of healing that I am working on because I hate being a person, even for only 48 hours, who wants to just crawl in the corner until I feel better. 

I'm actually thinking about doing the detox a second time.  Even though I think that I could live the rest of my life like this and still be thankful that I'm so much better, if there is any synthetic hormone left in there (and the main one that the Mirena uses, Levonorgestrel, is--according to Dr. J-- showing to be a large cancer-causing substance), I want to do everything that I can to make sure that every last bit of it is out of my body before any long-term damage is done.  I figure that you can't be too careful, right?

Dr. J said that he is actually thinking about making a video to post here that will explain what the Mirena has done to us and what the detox actually does for our bodies.  I reminded him that his anonymity would officially be gone, and he said that he didn't care.  He is more concerned with helping all of us get our lives back.  I am so thankful that there are doctors like that in our world.  He has been such a blessing to me, and I know that he is currently working with several other women now as well. 

Dr. J....if you are reading this, please know that you are an angel to all of us.  God is truly using you in a mighty way, and don't ever forget that.  I will NEVER forget what you have done for me.  THANK YOU for being a man who chooses doing the right thing over how much money you can get.  You are heaven sent, and we--as well as our families--are so thankful for you.  Husbands have their wives back and children have their mommies back because of you.  For that, you should be proud.  YOU are exactly the kind of person who SHOULD be a doctor because you truly are a man who is most concerned with helping others.  In my experience throughout this, I (as well as most of the other women who read this) have learned that it is rare to find that.  Most of the doctors wouldn't listen or believe us.  You did...and you are fighting for us.  You are changing the world one person at a time, and we are more grateful than you will ever understand.  Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.

I'll be back on soon, ladies.  I am going to copy a post on here from a woman named Erika who just finished the detox as well.  I'd like for you to hear from other women as well so that you can be confident that it is also helping other women and not just me.  She has given me permission to do it, so I'll be back with that soon.

Big hugs to you all.  You are doing great!  Keep fighting for your health, and know that I'm right here with you!

Monday, April 4, 2011

My first race ever...and celebrating a strong body again...

I DID IT!!!!!

I just wanted to let you know that the results were posted from my very first 5k! It was for the Stephen L. Pearson Leukemia Foundation.  There were 94 women who ran the 5k, and I came in 32nd. My goal was to run the 5k in 35 minutes, and I ran it in 32 min. 55 seconds! I was never concerned with my place, but my time goal was well as my goal to never stop running. I'm proud of myself simply for doing something that I never thought I could do and celebrating good health again. Not bad for a 34-year-old mother of two who has never done a distance run in her life! Hee hee....

Notice the race's theme that is printed on my race bib: FIGHT FOR LIFE. I thought was was especially meaningful considering why I choose to train to run it.  To all of the ladies out there who are struggling with the same post-Mirena sickness and debilitation that I had (and I know that there are many of you out there) know that, as well as celebrating my recovery, I am running for you and yours.

My next race is the HUGE one. It is the Pat Tillman race on the 16th. There will be THOUSANDS of runners. It is a longer race: a 6.8k. Wish me luck!

Thank you for supporting me through all of this. it means more than you will ever know.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

A plea to the husbands/mates/parents/etc....

Not sure what really made me sit and write this post, but I really feel like it is something that needs to be said... 

This post is for the husbands/mates, the parents, etc. of the women out there who are dealing with all of this.  I've heard so many heartbreaking stories from women whose marriages/relationships ended during this "post Mirena" time in their lives.  This woman was "different", and it simply became more to handle than some wanted.  What is so sad is that these women could get better one day, wake up, and realize that her family is gone--It's too late for her to show her loved one that the nightmare is over....and now, when she can finally have her life back (and they can have the "old her" back)...she's alone.  Husbands/Mates, Family members...I just want to "talk" to you for a bit.  This is vitally important for you to read.  Let's chat, okay?

(Ladies, if you feel like a loved one is struggling with all of this, PLEASE sit him down in front of this screen.  Maybe it will help to have him "listen" to someone's else's first-hand account of what is going on with you.  I hope it helps.)

When I was in the middle of my Mirena battle, I was truly at one of the weakest points of my entire life, and it lasted a year and a half.  I was so sick....and I was TERRIFIED of what was happening to me.   I spent months hiding how bad it was because I was embarrassed to admit that I was unable to "get a grip" on myself.  And, as I said in a previous post, to verbalize it made it true...and I didn't want to admit that it was.  I wanted desperately to just "get over it" and move on.  I quickly realized, however, that it simply wasn't that easy.  I was horribly ill.  I was at a point in my life when I needed my loved ones more than ever before.  After my ordeal was over, I sat down with my husband to truly get the insight of the one who walked through this experience with me.  I wanted him to be completely honest...and he was.  But more importantly, he was THERE to have the conversation with me because he CHOSE to stay and fight alongside his wife.  It didn't mean that he didn't have his doubts in the beginning.  It didn't mean that he never got frustrated.  He was as confused as I was for a long time....but he chose to trust me.

With all of that being said, let me begin by validating YOUR toughts out there as the loved ones in this situation:
  • I know how confusing this is for you.  You are looking at this woman, and she doesn't seem anywhere close to the woman that you once knew.
  • It seems like there is a new problem every week.  You are catching yourself actually doubting whether or not she is telling the truth....or if it is really as bad as she is saying that it is.  You wonder, "Is she overexaggerating, being overly dramatic?" 
  • She seems lazy.....unorganized.....unmotivated.....
  • You may wonder if this is worth it.  "I didn't sign up for this.".....  "Will she ever come back to me?"
Let me do the best that I can to address all of this as a woman who went through it and is now on the other side.  Again, I'm not going to sugar coat anything here because my purpose here is to be realistic.  It may also come across a bit like "rambling" because I have come to realize that, no matter how hard I try, I will truly never be able to accurately verbalize to the correct extent what it is like to be in that nightmare, so I can only do the best that I can.  Imagine, if you will, that I am that woman in your pleas are hers.  She may not be to the point where she can accurately explain things because she is still just trying to make it through the day without falling apart.  It took me awhile after I was better to be able to really compartmentalize everything and put words to what I went through, what I was thinking, and what I needed from that loved one in my life.   I ask that you PLEASE be open and receptive to what I am saying.  Put any frustration and anger towards your situation aside and just "listen".  This is probably one of the most important blog entries that I will ever write.

Here we go:

Your wife/loved one doesn't seem anywhere close to the woman that you married/once knew.  You feel like she's gone.  She doesn't smile like she used to.  She doesn't embrace life like she used to.  She doesn't react to you like she used to.  You're right--she doesn't.  But, let me make something perfectly clear:  SHE IS IN THERE.  She isn't lost...she hasn't "changed"....  She is TRAPPED in there--in a body and in a mind that SHE CAN'T MAKE WORK. 

If that didn't soak in...please read the above paragraph again...and again....and again....

That is what is so scary about all of this.  I remember thinking that it would almost be easier if I would have lost my mind enough that I didn't know what was happening--become dilusional.  That's not what happens, though--at least not with me...and not with all of other women that I've talked to about this.  SHE KNOWS THAT SOMETHING IS HORRIBLY WRONG.  Believe me, I knew that I was in big trouble LONG before I had the test results in my hand that showed I had been poisoned.  She knows that she looks all kinds of messed up.  She KNOWS that she didn't get anything done that day, or that she reacted badly to you, or she seems incapable of functioning properly.  Trust me...SHE KNOWS...and she is in there praying that she was different.  She knows that she isn't okay, but she can't help what is happening.  She may yell or cry at something that would normally not even affect her.  And you know what?  She is in there thinking, "What in the world was that?  What is wrong with me?"  I can't even begin to explain how many times I verbally snapped at my daughter for something silly or felt intense anger toward my husband when he didn't even do anything other than walk in the room...and so in order to make sure that I never said or did anything that I would regret, I would just go to another room until that feeling went away.  I can't tell you the number of hours I spent in my son's nursery, crying and rocking back and forth in the glider until some awful feeling or symptom passed and I could rejoin the world.  I couldn't simply stop feeling that way at that matter how hard I tried.  I knew that it was "wrong", I knew that it wasn't me, but I was completely unable make it go away.  That, my friends, is TERRIFYING when you don't know if it is ever going to stop.  I describe it best when I say that is honestly like feeling like being buried alive.  The "real" you is in there, screaming to get out of this shell that doesn't work right, can't think are still fully "awake" down in there...watching yourself crumble, overreact, fall apart, on the outside.  You are doing everything in your power to break though and change what she is doing, but you can't.  I know that sounds impossible.  It's not.  It's TORTURE. 

Imagine living in a mind and body that you aren't in control of anymore...but yet you are still deep down in there watching it happen and begging to GET OUT.  That is where she is right now.  She's fine one moment...and then she's not.  But, it has nothing to do with the fact that she is "gone" or "changed".  She's there, trapped...and fighting to regain herself again.  That is her LIFE right now....a constant battle of ups and downs, juggling symptoms and her own fear.  I felt like my daily success was determined on how well I was able to "fake" being okay.  Some days, I did great.  Some days, I would crumble multiple times.  But, I can tell you that I was just as much "IN THERE" on the crumbling days as on the other ones.  Those were just the days that the sickness and symptoms were too strong for me--no matter how hard I fought against them--and I was fighting constantly with everything in me. 

Think about how proud you are.  We are proud, too.  It's embarrassing and VERY difficult to admit that you aren't strong enough to beat something.  We are wives, mothers, career women...we are used to multi-tasking everything, and suddenly it is too much to unload the dishwasher or make a grocery list.    This woman in your life is scared to death....because she doesn't know why it is happening or when it is going to happen again.  I felt like I was living in limbo between being in the middle of some sort of anxiety or adenaline attack or being so scared as I waited and wondered when the next one was going to hit.  I'm telling you....that's not living.  I was juggling anxiety attacks, my brain being so foggy that I couldn't form a thought, my mind was darting all over the place 24/7, my heartbeat would become irregular, I would lose the ability to feel or use my hands, my vision deteriorated, I would go multiple days with no sleep, I felt like I couldn't breathe, and EVERYTHING was too overwhelming to handle...and that is just some of the symptoms I had.   My point is, during all of this, I was completely "me" the whole time....I WANTED to do all of these all these things.  I was just trapped way down in there and physically and/or mentally COULDN'T do it.  At those bad times, no amount of wanting to be okay made me strong enough to be so.

As far as the "Is it really that bad" question.  This the the easiest question that I've ever answered.  YES.  It's worse.  I remember wishing at times that I had the ability to just grab my husband's hand and, for those brief moments, make him be able to feel EXACTLY what I was.  It had nothing to do with me wanting him to was a need to know that he understood how horrible it felt at that moment.  I knew that I couldn't explain it anywhere close to how it really was, and I knew that if I could JUST somehow transfer it over to him through my hand, he would NEVER have to doubt or wonder again.  That may sound strange, but I thought that a lot:  "If I could just get him to REALLY know what it is like in here....just for a moment suffer this hell....he would never give up until I was okay again."

The reason that I'm writing this has nothing to do with trying to emphasize the "doom and gloom" aspect of all of this.  What I'm trying to do is make it clear that, right now, this woman NEEDS YOU more than ever before.  She needs your strength and your comfort because, at this moment, she has none of her own.  This is truly a time that she is depending on the "In sickness and in health" vow, husbands.  Don't give up on her.  Don't leave her.  Fight for her because she is fighting, too....with everything she's got. 

BE THERE.           BELIEVE IN HER.            TRUST HER.          SHE NEEDS YOU.

I remember many nights when I would be lying there at 3:00 in the morning because I couldn't sleep, and I would just sit up and stare at my husband while he slept.  I would cry and I would plead over and over in my head, "Please don't leave me. I promise that I'm in here, and I'm trying to get back to all of you.  Please don't give up on me." 

I'm actually crying as I write this because I remember those nights all too well, and just writing about it brings those feelings of desperation back.

I was one of the lucky ones.  My parents believed me--it was through their help that I was able to do the detox in the first place.  I had a husband who, even though he admittedly doubted in the beginning, chose to believe me and fight for his wife.  He literally dropped to the kitchen floor with me once and didn't get up until I did.  He would sometimes just hug me and let me cry.  He openly admits that, in the beginning--before we knew about the silicone poisoning, the damage to my hormone levels, or the Mirena in general being the problem, he was frustrated and doubtful when he would hear about some new "issue" every week and see that nothing was getting done.  You know what, though?  I don't blame him.  It's hard to believe the unbelievable.  This is not a normal situation....but I promise you, gentlemen, it is VERY real.  NO WOMAN would fake that kind of torture for that long.

It's okay to be frustrated.  This affects you, too--it's your family and the woman you love.  However, you can still chose to be the man that she desperately needs you to be right now.  Be a rock for her--some strength for her to hold on to.  BE UNDERSTANDING and BE LOVING.  Don't be mad at her.  Be mad at what this thing did to her. SHE didn't do this to you. Always remember where the blame belongs.  Like I said, she needs you right now more than she has ever needed you before, and trust me when I say that she feels guilty enough for how this has taken her away from her loved ones and her "duties."  I knew that it wasn't my fault, and yet I still felt enormous guilt every day for what I was unable to do, unable to be, for my family.  PLEASE BE THERE.  I truly believe that is one of the reasons that I was able to keep fighting as hard as I did.  Once I finally opened up to my loved ones about what I was going through, I was no longer alone in my fight.  That means more to me than anyone can ever imagine.  I held on to that EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Now, I don't want to end this post with such a negative feeling.  Let me take this time to remind you that I am writing this as a woman who beat this thing...who came back...who is the woman that I used to be.  My husband will attest to it.  He was just smiling ear-to-ear the other day when, during the kids' naps, I was outside doing yard work with him.  I was pulling weeds while we were listening to music, and I was singing and dancing around to the tunes like the big dork that he fell in love with six years ago.  He just smiles and says, "It's so great to have you back."  I agree.  It's good to be back.  I'm happy, I'm healthy, and I'm blessed.  My husband and I fought this together, and we are truly stronger now than we have EVER been.  Honestly.

This can be your story, too.  There IS an end to this...and it can be a happy ending,  I'm proof of that.  Just don't give up on her.  That is your sweetheart in there....and she needs you.

My prayers are with your marriage and family during this time.  Be strong--you can make it.