Here we go again...

Well...It looks like I'm doing the detox again.

I promised that I wouldn't hide or sugarcoat anything, so I'll just let you know where I'm at.

Okay...let me start by saying that I am still soooooooooo much better than I was before I detoxed the first time.  To this day, I have not had a single anxiety attack, etc.  If I had to continue this way for the remainder of my life, I could.  However, over this past month, I've noticed that I seem to have more days around my cycle where I have to work much harder to keep my mood even, and that stupid brain fog comes back.  I ignored it because I figured, "Oh well, it's not any of the bad physical symptoms that I had, so no big deal."  However, I will admit, I did have a bit of that "Uh oh, what's happening?" feeling going on in the back of my head.  A couple of days ago, I was getting those weird patchy goosebumps again, I started getting that "buzzing" sensation in my left arm and my face, and then--when I was typing at the computer, I felt that my hands were going weak and I was struggling to type.  That was it.  I wasn't going to even mess around with letting any time pass.  I immediately called Dr. J.  Of course, I was bawling because I was so afraid that it meant that all of the other symptoms--including those debilitating anxiety and adrenal attacks--were just around the corner.  I can't even begin to tell you how many times I said, "You don't understand....I CAN'T go back there...."

Dr. J. just reminded me calmly that he had told me (and this is true; I remember it) that there was a good chance that I was going to have to detox again.  My entire body was so poisoned, that the chance of all of it getting pulled out after one detox was slim.  However, I felt so great after it was over...and continued to feel so great for four months...that in my head, it was over.  I had completely beat it.  Well, this was my gentle reminder that I'm not quite out of the woods yet.  Again, remember....I AM STILL SOOOOO MUCH BETTER.  THE DETOX WORKS TREMENDOUSLY.  IT JUST ALL DEPENDS ON HOW MUCH POISON YOU HAVE IN YOU REGARDING IF YOU HAVE TO DO IT MORE THAN ONCE.

I'm not going to lie.  It really upset me, and I needed a whole day to cry and be mad that I was even having to address this whole thing again, but after I slept on it, I awoke the next morning, dusted myself off, and owned this as part of my reality.  It is what it is....I can't do anything about it.  I have to detox until it's gone.

The way that Dr. J. explained it was like this:  It's not like the poison starts to build back up or anything.  Know that, THE POISON, AFTER A DETOX, THE POISONS CAN NOT "COME BACK" OR "BUILD BACK UP", ETC. (that was a question of mine because I was caught off-guard that a symptom that had been gone for four months came back).  It is a situation of....hmmmmm, I'm realizing that this is difficult to explain without you seeing my hands...so bear with me....

Imagine a seesaw--with the poisons/toxins in your body/blood on one side and your body's immunity/strength to fight it on the other side.  When you are first sick, obviously, the toxins are much higher than your immunity to fight it, and therefore, your body starts to get sick as the toxins attack your various systems.  Now, when you detox, a huge amount of toxins leave your body and your immunities are at an all time high...so the seesaw has shifted:  your immunity/strength is much higher than the toxins (which are now at a much lower level, but could still have some in there), and so you feel great.  I felt great for four months--I mean GREAT--no symptoms except the vision loss that I never regained.  Other than that, I felt perfect.  Well, apparently for me, at this time, my seesaw has now shifted past the equal level and back to where the toxins are stronger than my body's strength to fight them.  Like I said, the toxins are still at a much lower level--none of the poisons that were pulled out in detox number one came back.  But, since I am not actively detoxing anymore, it was a matter of time (for me anyway) that my immunity level against the poison was going to slowly lower back down...and eventually get to the point where that side of my seesaw was lower than the poison/toxin side.  Because of that, my body is starting to react again. 

Does that make sense?  I sure hope so.  If not--comment about it, and I'll try to reword it better.

Like I said, at first, I was so upset that I had to accept the fact that this isn't completely over for me.  I really thought that it was because I felt so great.  But Dr. J. reminded me that this doesn't necessarly have to be a scary thing.  My toxins are lower...even if I didn't detox again, I may never have gotten back to as bad as I was (I don't know that...but I'm not willing to find out).  But, there is obviously still some in there that are making some of the more minor symptoms return, and that is enough for me to want to get them out.  I can't live my life wondering if the bad symptoms are just around the corner.  I won't.  Also, this is a huge cancer-causing synthetic.  If there is ANY still in my body--and obviously there is--I have to get it ALL out and FAST.  I have to give myself every opportunity that this poison doesn't affect me long term as much as possible.  So....I've just come to the conclusion that this is my ONLY option.  There is nothing else to do.  I KNOW that the detox works, I'm walking proof.  I just have to get the rest of it out....and for me, that means that I have to do it again.

Now...I'm sure that one of the questions that you are wondering is, "How many times do we have to do this?"  Honestly, there is no answer for that.  For some women, one detox would be enough to take it all.  For others, they may have to do it a few times.  It all depends on how much poison is in her particular body, how strong her immunity is, etc.  Unfortunately, there is no formula to plug in your numbers and get the number of detoxes required to pull out 100% of the poison.

So...I will be going into detox number two hoping that this is it for me--that, God willing, this is the detox that is going to take it ALL...and this nightmare can finally be completely OVER.  But, I also am going into this with my eyes open...with an understanding and acceptance that detox number one gave me four months.  Maybe detox number two--if it doesn't get it all--will give me eight months...or a year...  But, I need to carefully evaluate how I feel as time goes on, and follow my gut.  You will know.  I knew.  I didn't want to admit it, but I knew weeks ago that something was "off"...something didn't feel right.  And now, I just accept the fact that, if time passes and that happens again, I detox again.  Period.  Each time, more toxins are pulled and inevitably, eventually, they will be completely gone.  I'm hoping that, for me, this is the one that is going to do it.

Please pray for me--that this is the detox to pull out the last of it--as I will continue to pray for all of you.  I will keep you updated on what I find out and how I am doing.  See?  I'm still obviously fighting this with you....and I'm not going anywhere.

I embraced life with both hands after I got better after my first detox.  And, as much as I had to go through a tough day of "reacting" to knowing that I had to do this again, and that it wasn't over yet, I am even more determined to life each day to the fullest.  Right now, I could be upset and dwelling on how many good days I have left before I start to feel sick again....or I can choose to live those days of feeling great to the fullest--and worrying about a bad day when (and if) they ever come.  Don't let this thing beat you, ladies.  I'm determined not to let this beat me down.  We atleast now have a detox that we know works (remember, I have proof in my medical file that the silicone is gone, etc., and I've felt like a million bucks for months...never had a single anxiety attack..nothing...).  It just takes time...but we know that detox works--atleast we all have that now.  That's more than we did have.

Okay, fine....it isn't over for me quite yet.  So I FIGHT....and I'm already celebrating the days ahead that I know are symptom free and full of health and energy.  I know that they are coming again.  THAT is what I choose to focus on.

But for now, I continue fighting.  We can do this.

All of my love to you ladies.  Stay strong and stay positive.  Trust me when I say that I know that, some days, that is easier said that done and we break a bit.  But, get back up, ball up those fists, and keep going.  Each day of fighting is one day closer to beating this...and we WILL.